Are you ever going to stop?

Recently, a sherriff's department in North Dakota, USA carried out a sting operation in which 30 odd criminals with outstanding warrants were told details of a free party being held in the area, where all you had to do was turn up, party on down and then get to rock out with the legendary Ozzy Osbourne at a gig later that night, as free tickets were being handed out. Unfortunately, when said law dodgers turned up, undoubtedly grinning from ear to ear clutching a keg of lukewarm Budweiser they just robbed from the 7-11 down the street, instead of high fives and a ticket to the gates of paradise, it was more a case of spread 'em, cuff 'em, book 'em. Job well done eh fellas?

Yes the concert was a load of bollocks, made up by the bright sparks back at Donutville HQ, who explained that the trap was "a creative law enforcement technique to lure individuals who had active criminal warrants to come to us." So in other words, tell them it's their birthday then kick them in the balls when they try to open their presents. Instead of a night going crazy, as Ozzy does, they get to share a cell with a sweaty, 30-stone farmhand called Mandy who interferes with the sheep in the worst possible way. And all for free!

Unsurprisingly, 'ol Osbourne is a tad peeved at this besmirching of his good name. In a statement he said; "They went out of their way to imply that I attract a criminal element." And they did, didn't they? I can perhaps see the logic in holding a "Blunts, Glocks and Hoes party with special added Fiddy Cent appearance" if you want to snare some particularly nasty Crips members, but this takes the piss.

The vast majority of metalheads are decent, law-abiding members of society whose only crimes are getting a bit rowdy in the pit, chugging one-too-many brewskies and sometimes not washing for days on end, so why was alternative music dragged through the mud yet again for the purposes of chasing up some unpaid parking tickets?

Metal has had to put up with so much crap ever since Sabbath's first album, so wouldn't it be sweet if this latest example of stereotyping and all round idiocy is the last in a sad trend? So it could end, as it began, with Black Sabbath? Metalheads don't sacrifice babies during satanic rituals, Marilyn Manson lyrics don't make us shoot up schools, and all that headbanging doesn't erode our brain cells (actually that last one might be true... what was I talking about?)

I'm now picturing a load of fat redneck cops covering an AC/DC song on stage, so happy that their lame little scheme worked. Only if you listen closely, they've changed the lyrics to "For those about to rock, we condemn you!"